Ep. 34 | Challenging Assumptions About Disability and Embracing Inclusive Leadership with Toby Mildon

Written By Sarah Bettman
 
 

In the latest episode of the podcast Live Stoked, Lead Stoked, my guest, Toby Mildon, and I discuss the intricate topics of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) through personal anecdotes, professional insights, and actionable advice. Throughout the conversation, we talk about the multifaceted world of DEI, addressing assumptions about relationships, the importance of recognizing diverse identities, and the struggles and triumphs organizations face in embedding authentic inclusion in their cultures. 

Assumptions About Relationships and Personal Insights

Toby, a workplace inclusion consultant, candidly opens up about the assumptions people make regarding his relationship. Being a disabled individual, Toby points out the frequent misinterpretation by others who often mistake his partner for a carer or a relative rather than his significant other. This societal bias is not uncommon among disabled individuals, leading to frequent and impactful misunderstandings.

However, Toby’s relationship, which has spanned over nine years, stands as a testament to love transcending societal assumptions. Such personal narratives highlight the importance of recognizing and addressing everyday biases, as they deeply impact the lives of disabled people and their ability to lead authentic lives.

DEI in Organizations

My experience in the US observe that DEI efforts often center around gender and race. Contrastingly, Toby discusses the UK approach, where there's a hierarchy in DEI priorities, with gender inclusivity often overshadowing disability, ethnicity, and social mobility. 

Toby emphasizes the need for organizations to have a multifaceted view of identity. Sharing his experience, he points out how his life as a white disabled gay man differs vastly from that of a straight British Asian disabled man. Recognizing and respecting these intersecting identities can lead to a more inclusive and understanding workplace environment.

The 'Why' and Organizational Discovery

My method of starting DEI initiatives focuses on the existing demographics of an organization aligning closely with Toby’s insistence on understanding the "why" behind DEI. He elaborates on the importance of a discovery process for organizations to grasp the true importance of DEI internally, rather than merely relying on external reports and data. 

This process involves deeply examining visible and invisible traits within the organizational culture, fostering a genuine understanding of hidden diversities and preparing the groundwork for meaningful DEI strategies.

Overcoming Challenges in Diversity Identification

Toby provides a striking example of the often invisible nature of diversity. In one instance, an anonymous survey revealed a significantly higher percentage of disabled employees than previously reported in the HR system. This discrepancy underscores the importance of promoting an environment where employees feel psychologically safe to disclose their identities. Creating such a safe space, built on trust, is neither quick nor easy but is essential for true inclusivity.

Proactive and Authentic DEI Strategies

In today’s shifting economic and political landscape, both Toby and I note a troubling trend of organizations moving away from DEI initiatives. Toby's book, "Inclusive Growth," argues against this short-sighted approach, advocating for the strategic integration of DEI to foster business growth and prosperity.

Additionally, Toby underscores the necessity for authentic DEI practices that permeate the organization's culture and leadership. Moving beyond superficial efforts, strategic DEI endeavors should focus on creating a genuinely inclusive environment, aligning with the organization's core values, and resonating authentically with both employees and the broader public.

The Role of Empathy and Safe Spaces

Empathy emerges as a crucial element in fostering inclusive workplaces. Toby and I discuss the concept proposed by Stephen Covey—"seek first to understand, then to be understood"—emphasizing the importance of creating spaces for genuine understanding and active listening. We also highlight the significance of "safe" and "brave" spaces, as proposed by Brene Brown, where individuals can explore uncomfortable but necessary conversations, leading to deeper understanding and growth.

The journey towards inclusivity is complex, multidimensional, and deeply personal. By addressing biases, fostering empathy, and embedding authenticity in DEI strategies, organizations can create environments where every individual feels valued and understood. The episode serves as an enlightening guide for both individuals and organizations committed to advancing their DEI efforts meaningfully and sustainably.

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More About Live Stoked | Lead Stoked

Have you ever wondered if there is something more? Are you ready for something to change, but aren’t sure how to get started…or even what to change? Do you dream of living life on your own terms, full of purpose and the ability to choose what’s best for you? Are you ready to live stoked?

You’ve come to the right place! In this podcast, we will explore what it means to live stoked. To live a life on your terms, one where we’ve tossed away the pressures of roles, expectations, and identities that have been put on you and that you did not choose, is a bold choice. Frankly, it’s a series of small choices in micro-moments that lead to a bold life.

I am Sarah Bettman, coach, consultant, and speaker, but more importantly, I’m a person who found myself waking up in the wrong life and needed to find a way to me. 

I am on a mission to unravel the things we tell ourselves, the roles and/or identities we’ve taken on, and the expectations that drive our decision making, so that we can begin to live our most authentic and stoked lives. My guests and I will share our stories, solutions, and multitude of ideas…since one size definitely doesn’t not fit all. 

My hope is that you will find something meaningful for you, in the moment, that will move you forward on your path.

Sarah Bettman
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Ep. 33 | Slowing Down for Leadership Clarity