Ep. 31 | Coaching, Community, and Fulfillment with Cynthia Loy Darst

Written By Sarah Bettman
 
 

In this episode of Live Stoked, Lead Stoked, my guest, coach, friend, Cynthia Loy Darst, and I dive deep into the complexities of community, the boundaries of professional relationships, the evolution of coaching, and the importance of systemic awareness. Throughout our conversation, we explain numerous facets of what it means to navigate both the personal and professional aspects of life as coaches. 

The Joy of Community and Connection

Cynthia opens up about her love for being in a community, sharing how having people over for dinner and connecting with others brings her immense joy. This resonates deeply with me as I reflect on my own experiences of moving frequently. For me, creating a sense of community became particularly important after the isolating period of COVID.

"We thrive on connection," Cynthia emphasizes. In a disconnected world, the bonds we form with others not only provide emotional strength but also a sense of belonging and purpose. Our discussion shows the importance of community in a coach’s life, both for personal well-being and professional effectiveness.

Navigating the Boundaries of Professional Relationships

Both Cynthia and I touch on the delicate balance between personal and professional relationships. In the world of coaching, it can be challenging to not seek emotional validation from client relationships. We discuss the evolving dynamics when coaching relationships transition into friendships, and the necessity of establishing varied forms of community to avoid disconnection and disappointment.

It's essential to have boundaries, and to nurture authentic connections outside of professional realms. These boundaries ensure that both the coach and the client maintain a healthy, productive relationship that fosters growth without emotional dependency.

Redefining Fulfillment and Identity

Cynthia shares her journey from professional acting to coaching, explaining how her definition of fulfillment has evolved. Similarly, I share my struggle with finding identity and fulfillment in my coaching career, realizing that my sense of identity shouldn't rely solely on my job title or community.

I used to think attaining the highest credentials was everything, but at some point, I realized it doesn't necessarily serve my clients better. The importance of personal growth and self-discovery is far more important than external validation.

The Internal Narrative and Self-Acceptance

A particularly enlightening part of our conversation revolves around Cynthia's concept of the "inside team" and the impact of her internal narrative. She personifies her internal critic as "Miss Train" and discusses how recognizing and addressing this internal voice is key to self-acceptance and personal growth.

At 66, Cynthia feels pride in her accomplishments, as she shifts from seeking external validation to becoming self-assured and self-referral. "Self-acceptance allows you to approach clients with genuine curiosity and respect for their unique perspectives," she says.

Seeing the System: Beyond Individual Change

Cynthia introduces the significance of viewing coaching through the lens of systems rather than focusing solely on individual change. I expand on this, discussing the challenge and necessity of understanding the broader context and relationships within a system, especially in the realm of diversity and inclusion.

Non-verbal cues and emotions are pivotal in relationships. By acknowledging these elements, coaches can better navigate the complexities of working with both individuals and teams, creating a more holistic approach to personal and professional development.

Continuous Growth in Coaching and Personal Relationships

Reflecting on her long-term relationship with her husband, Cynthia highlights the importance of continuous work and growth in both personal and professional domains. She integrates this philosophy into her current focus on internal systems work with individuals, illustrating how continuous learning and adaptation are essential in coaching.


We discuss the necessity of balancing goal achievement with engagement, emphasizing that clients should be viewed as naturally creative and resourceful. This approach fosters a collaborative, empowering coaching environment where individuals are encouraged to harness their unique strengths.

Adapting to Change

The conversation also touches on the adaptations required by COVID. Cynthia shares her experiences of moving to smaller towns and adjusting to virtual deliveries in her coaching work. The analogy of pit stops in race cars serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of pausing, learning, and recovering in leadership.


"We must invest in training and synchronization within our teams," Cynthia points out, drawing parallels between racing teams and organizational coaching.


It is so important to keep connection, continuous growth, and systemic awareness in coaching. By embracing these principles, coaches can create more impactful, authentic, and fulfilling professional and personal lives.

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More About Live Stoked | Lead Stoked

Have you ever wondered if there is something more? Are you ready for something to change, but aren’t sure how to get started…or even what to change? Do you dream of living life on your own terms, full of purpose and the ability to choose what’s best for you? Are you ready to live stoked?

You’ve come to the right place! In this podcast, we will explore what it means to live stoked. To live a life on your terms, one where we’ve tossed away the pressures of roles, expectations, and identities that have been put on you and that you did not choose, is a bold choice. Frankly, it’s a series of small choices in micro-moments that lead to a bold life.

I am Sarah Bettman, coach, consultant, and speaker, but more importantly, I’m a person who found myself waking up in the wrong life and needed to find a way to me. 

I am on a mission to unravel the things we tell ourselves, the roles and/or identities we’ve taken on, and the expectations that drive our decision making, so that we can begin to live our most authentic and stoked lives. My guests and I will share our stories, solutions, and multitude of ideas…since one size definitely doesn’t not fit all. 

My hope is that you will find something meaningful for you, in the moment, that will move you forward on your path.

Sarah Bettman
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Ep. 32 | Health, Happiness, and Productivity with Dr. Christiane Schroeter
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Ep. 30 | Growing, Not Failing - Part Deux